Book Summary of The Charisma Myth
The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane looks at the argument of inherited charisma vs cultivated charisma. Not only should we all become responsible for increasing our own charisma for the sake of our careers and relationships, but also for the positive effects charisma has been show to have on other areas of life.
Related Book Summaries:
Awaken The Giant Within – Tony Robbins
The Magic Of Thinking Big – David Schwartz
The Charisma Myth Quotes:
The most effective thing you can do for your career is to get comfortable being uncomfortable.
Being charismatic does not depend on how much time you have but on how fully present you are in each interaction.
Being present—paying attention to what’s going on rather than being caught up in your thoughts—can yield immense rewards. When you exhibit presence, those around you feel listened to, respected, and valued.
The Charisma Myth Book Summary Notes
The Charisma Myth
For a long time it was thought that either you were born with charisma or without it. That your level of charisma was decided purely upon genetics, much like your hair or eye colour.
Instead of a fixed biological trait however, what we call charisma is really a set of behaviours or body language. A set of learnable body language.
Much like any other learnable skill, it takes time and practice to develop. Anyone willing to put in the effort and slog through the dip, will get there eventually though.
Mind-Body Language
Let’s start at the beginning, charismatic body language is what most people are identifying when they say someone is charismatic. Body language is controlled by your mental state. If you’re happy internally, you’ll give off happy body language. If you’re sad or annoyed your body language will give those off as well. Most people can spot a fake smile because the rest of a persons body language doesn’t match the smile.
In order to be perceived as charismatic you will need to adopt the correct internal state or mindset as shown above. The correct internal state is one of the keys to developing charisma.
Presence
It’s not enough to be physically present to be considered charismatic, there’s more to it. You need to be completely present in the moment and giving the people in front of you, your complete attention.
This practice of ‘being present’ is very similar to the concept of mindfulness that is taught in meditation practice. The ability to be present in the moment and experience things as they happen. If you’re interested to know more about mindfulness and meditation check this out.
Charisma requires this level of presence in the moment to show people that you care and that you’re hearing them and their concerns. Being present with someone else goes a long way towards establishing an emotional connection with that person as well.
Warmth And Power
People also look for signs of both warmth and power when assessing charisma. Someone with both of these qualities will be far superior candidate to be labelled as having charisma than someone with only one of these traits.
Humans have always sought strong powerful leaders and are drawn towards those that can make them feel good about themselves – often a side effect of exuding warmth. If you need a more comprehensive primer on how to become better at these skills in social situations, check out: How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie. One of the best books on the subject I’ve ever read and still 100% relevant today.
Four Styles of Charisma
The author identifies in the book four styles of charisma, each with its own particular strengths and weaknesses.
- Focus charisma – great for allowing people to feel you are entirely engaged with them.
- Visionary charisma – the kind that inspires and allows other people to believe in your dreams.
- Kindness charisma – the kind of charisma that allows others to feel seen and accepted.
- Authority charisma – allows others to feel as though you possess the ability to change their lives.
The choice of which type of charisma to aim for very much depends on your type of personality as well as your goals and of course the situation you are addressing.
First Impressions And Cognitive Biases
If there is one thing to remember whenever you meet someone for the first it’s that the first impression really does matter. The biggest reason for the importance of the first impression is something called the Confirmation Bias.
The Confirmation Bias is a mental heuristic. That means it is a shortcut that our brains developed a long time ago to allow us to make faster snap decisions by relying on a certain number ‘preset’ rules in our brains.
The Confirmation Bias means that once we make a decision we look for ways to reaffirm our beliefs instead of testing to make sure the belief is correct. This means when a person first meets you, the opinion they form about you is then subject to Confirmation Bias. That is, they will interpret and filter everything else you do to back up their original view of you as either a charismatic person or not.
First impressions do matter. Especially if you’re trying to cultivate charisma.
