Book Summary: Happy Ever After
Paul Dolan’s book Happy Ever After asks us to question the values and narratives we are told will make us happy. Working hard to earn lots of money, getting married and having children, none of these are guaranteed paths to happiness. Happy Ever After argues that we should all be responsible for finding our own personal paths to happiness.
Related Book Summaries:
Book Summary: Happier At Home – Gretchen Rubin
10% Happier – Dan Harris – Book Summary
Hardwiring Happiness – Rick Hanson – Book Summary
Quotes:
To be happier we need to move from a culture of ‘more please’ to one of ‘just enough’
Monogamy is a valid life choice; it’s just that it shouldn’t be the only aspirational one.
Happy Ever After Book Summary Notes:
- Social narratives are helpful in making it easier to navigate life and many of our daily choices. We shouldn’t allow them to box us in though. Many people meet most or all of the highest expectations of social narratives; they are married with kids, working in senior positions and making lots of money, yet remain profoundly unhappy with their lives.
- Studies have shown that happiness rises with income, up to a certain level. Between $50,000 and $75,000 per year of income happiness peaks and then begins to taper off. Making excessive amounts of money doesn’t appear to be a great way to increase your overall happiness.
- Success shares a similar correlation to money in that both taper off at a certain point. Many people are happy to spend years, decades even, miserable at their jobs all because it supposedly offers a form of prestige. If the expense is your own happiness though, is the price too high?
- The American time of use study actually showed that happiness and sense of purpose for workers peaked around 21-30 hours per week of work. Unhappiness increased either side of those numbers.
- There are numerous studies that show the positive effects of marriage, things like; being healthier and having a source of support. What they don’t show is that happiness in a relationship tends to peak before and after marriage, after that however it’s a coin flip. The American time of use study showed that when couples were asked individually (without the other spouse in the room) about their happiness levels they reported mostly the same levels as that of divorced people.
- Google search data compiled by data scientist Seth Stephens-Davidowitz showed that searches for ‘sexless marriage’ were more than 8x as common as searches for loveless marriage. Many people seem stay in loving, sex-free marriages which also begs the question of why infidelity is so harshly judged. By being more open and accepting of consenually non monogamous relationships we may allow many people to be much happier in their lives.
- Society also heartily endorses parenthood despite it being shown to lead to strain, anxiety and unhappiness. The average cost of raising a child to 20 years old in the United Kingdom has become almost $250,000. Surprisingly having a child also creates a considerable environmental impact. Over 9,441 tons of carbon emissions to be precise.
- On a list where people could rank activities in terms of happiness, child raising scores just above doing housework. Studies also show that up to 20% of all mothers experience mental health issues following the birth of a child.
